A Breakfast PSA From The Mighty Wasteland Bear God

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

[PSA Holotape, Scene 1]

[The Mighty Wasteland Bear God is holding a few boxes of Sugar Bombs and appears to a small group of children]

“Good morning, kids!”

“Good morning, Wasteland Bear God!”

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Time for a shower?” a boy piped.

“Time for mommy to wake daddy up with her assets?” a girl chimed.

“Time for Lucky to come frost my charms and get a mouthful of peanut butter?” another boy added.

[A visibly disturbed Bear God; jaw dropped, attempts to salvage the situation]

“No—no. . .what do you do when you get up?”

[The group of kids hums aloud, thinking on the matter]

“Run to the shower so mommy and daddy don’t slip on the soap and cry for hours!” a boy smiled.

“Help my sister with getting dressed and going to the bathroom!” another added.

“Run as fast as I can out of my room so the monster under the bed doesn’t get the chance to eat me!” added a little girl.

[The Mighty Bear God brings a mighty paw up to his face and covered it]

“Ho boy. OK, well, no, maybe, sure, yeah all those things, but what do you eat in the morning?” He sighed, waiting for more disturbing answers.

“I like to eat the soggy waffles mommy and daddy make on the kitchen counter and have a big full glass of milk.” a girl replied.

“I like my mom’s blue waffles. They’re so gooey and loaded with fruit—and raspberry syrup!” a boy chimed in.

“I like to give my sister a protein shake, and we then we split it,” a round-faced boy added.

[The Bear God clenched his eyes shut]

“OK, OK, that’s enough,” he sighed. “What the hell is wrong with these kids?” He muttered under his breath. “OK, so we’re gonna talk about Sugar Bombs, OK?”

[The magnificent beast stared up at the camera with an awkward, forced smile.]

“They’re great for you, and for your family. Loaded with tons and tons of vitamins and minerals to make you grow big and strong, like me! And also have the sugary sweetness that’s loaded in every bite that gives your mouth a real bang!”

[A sandy brown haired boy raised his hand, the Bear God acknowledges him]

“Yes?”

“Daddy says he likes it when he gets to give mommy a big bang in her mouth.”

[The other children laugh and giggle amongst themselves]

“What the hell is wrong with your parents?!” The Bear God scolds the viewers on the set. “I’m done. This is borderline pedophilia! I mean, if they were at least 18 I’d be fine—”

[The Mighty Bear God walks off set, still ranting]

“Maker’s balls—kids these days doing shit that’s just absurd. I mean, I know it’s The End of the Wold and all, but c’mon!”

[A female voice comes over the PA system with various commands to other personnel, while a rather sexy female assistant with a cup of coffee comes up to the Bear God]

“Mighty Bear God, the escort, Tiffany is in your trailer.”

“Mmm, that’s good stuff. Good job, Janna,” he replied. “Why don’t you come join me? It’ll be fun,” he nudges Janna and winks.

She smiles in response and hangs on to his arm, as they make their way to the trailer.

[Scene cuts to a clip with a nuclear bomb being dropped into a bowl. Milk and cereal are scattered about. A man’s voice comes on. . .]

“Sugar Bombs! We’ll blow your breakfast blues away.”

[The scene fades to black]

Author: Sincados

Writer, gamer, foodie, brew enthusiast, and awesome dad. Also likes to make explosions...but not in any particular order.

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