Derp Meets Fist

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

“We’re ready for launch, Captain.” Zeta stated.

“Excellent. Begin boarding at once.” Captain Tim replied.

“Set course for—” the captain was interrupted by the sight of explosions off in the distance.

“Number Two is out there still. . . Are we really sure we want to leave him behind?” A black crew member with an elaborate visor remarked.

“Do you want to go back to reading rainbows, or do you want to keep exploring space, and having wild otherworldly sex with other natives?” The Captain replied.

“I. . .I understand, sir. I’ll help ready things.”

The Captain smiled, “Excellent, make it so.”

Elsewhere, the Bear God and his comrades fought with the massive Synth army. Ben, of course, expressed great glee. . .as he snuffed out life all around him.

Meanwhile, the Bear God danced toe to toe with Kronam.

“Derpy Bear God. You’re no God, you’re all derp,” Kronam bellowed.

“Oh noes, I am derpy!” The Bear God flailed his arms and paws about in a childish manner, mocking the Mutant Barbarian. The trio had a laugh, before debating who should go first in the resuming of complete annihilation.

“By all means, he’s yours. We’ll have fun with the rest.” Rubricon said.

“Woo, back to killing!” Ben cried in sadistic glee, while he went about rolling into enemies, squashing them underneath.

The Bear God readied himself for battle, “Alright, fuckstick, you wanted to die so badly, let’s make it quick. I’ve got places to go, people to kill.”

“Pah, you gonna be dinner, you baddie!” Kronam laughed. “My rating is higher than yours!”

“Rating? The hell? Who cares! I’m gonna roll you in the dirt all night, BRAH!” Sin roared.

The two stared each other down, before the Bear God decided ‘screw it’, and charged Kronam. At first, the barbarian met each attack, blocking effortlessly. Then he began to lose, as the monstrous bear enraged, growing double his size, and proceeded to knock Kronam around like a rag doll.

The Super Mutant Barbarian grunted with each blow, feeling each strike growing more and more painful. He had never faced anyone like this before. He only had heard stories of the Bear God, and how he. . .allegedly. . .was overrated. He finally realized that he was derp in this situation, and he was probably going to die for his derpness.

Sin let loose a mighty roar and attack, sending the barbarian up into the air, and came crashing down to the ground—hard.

“No. . .no more. I submit! I submit!” Kronam coughed, his blood spattering on to the ground.

“What’s the matter? I thought you said your rating was so much higher than mine?” Sin smirked, mocking the defeated Kronam.

“I. . .I was wrong. I yield to you. . .Bear God.” Kronam, clearly beaten, said aloud.

Kronam spoke, with sadness in his words. “All of you, stand down! It’s pointless to let more of us die in vain. Instead of throwing ourselves in front of the bus, we should live. We should be trying to survive, not set out for conquest. I see that now. Nothing will bring back my people, or my family. . .but I can live for another day.”

The few Hybrids left over, followed their chieftain’s order, while the Synths did not. The Synth leader was adamant on being relentless in their assault.

“You’ve shown weakness, Kornam, and for that, you will perish!” The Synth leader yelled.

One by one, the remaining Hybrids began to blow up. Cries and pleas escaped from them, attempting to not be blown up.

“What?! No! How could you!? I will kill—!” Kronam roared.

“You’ll be next, you unintelligent brute.” The Synth replied as it continued to invisibly hack the Hybrids, and blow them up.

Next, his gaze fixated on Kronam, and began to try and hack him.

“I may die today, but it won’t be to a derpy traitorous machine!” Kronam yelled as he charged the Synth.

Right then, others Synths started to blow up, along with the underground base. . .of evil The trio looked on, bewildered as to how.

A panting Commander Cirk escaped from the exploding base. “I. . .need to. . .have a moment.” Shortly after, he passed out.

The Synth leader and Kronam began to glow an orange. . .and then exploded as they met each other head on.

“You know. . .he was alright.” Sin remarked.

“I guess,” replied Rubricon.

“Meh, what a waste. I could have assimilated his power. . .or killed him.” Ben added.

“C’mon, let’s get Cirk back before they decide to bail on him.” The Bear God stated.

As the trio left, a green arm shot up out of the metallic rubble, giving a ‘thumbs up.’ A low voice could be heard, “I’ll. . .be. . .back.”

Author: Sincados

Writer, gamer, foodie, brew enthusiast, and awesome dad. Also likes to make explosions...but not in any particular order.

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