It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. That moment, when your pants are so tight, you feel like you’re going to:
- A) either Hulk out…
- B) go Super Saiyan…
- C) pants are a lie…
It’s a moment so cataclysmic and orgasmic, it is beyond comprehension. It’s something where we are just dragging out the opening so that you may be thinking…for fuck’s sake, get on with it already! Yeah, we get you. We also believe that you should sit down, strap in, and go get some snacks.
So unstrap yourself, go get some fucking snacks, get your ass back, take your pants off, sit the fuck down, strap yourself in, and get ready for…
The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Season Two!
Cue the music! …In your head…
It is a time of strife, danger…danger…with perhaps, some high voltage.
The Bear God is lost in Hell after sacrificing himself like a noob, pushing some creepy tentacle porn thing…and the demon lord, Diablo, through the portal. Thus, the Bear God (Sin) had saved his friends and what remained of the Wasteland.
With the Maker missing in action (because that’s what happens to gods apparently…they go missing like the assholes they are) there is little help to be offered for the Bear God. Back in the normal plane of existence, Ben, Rubricon—and the rest of our heroes (because it’s a decently sized roster now…fuck me) are planning a way to get the Bear God back.
Elsewhere, plans are unfolding…but that’s another episode.
Right now, welcome to Hell. Welcome to Season Two…
*End crawl, pan camera at a speeding dot of the Bear God, Diablo, and whatever the fuck it is hurling through the portal to Hell.*
The Bear God clenched his eyes as he went through the portal. There was something about going through a portal, and making sure your eyes were closed or having eyewear…something that someone said.
Diablo roared in anger and screamed an incessant “No!” for an extended period of time. Meanwhile, wrangling and writhing itself around the crimson pockmarked demon, the mysterious tentacle space oddity tried to burrow its way into the head of the mighty red beast.
The Demon Dimension aka Hell aka Demon Plane was a twisted realm. Shades of red and black intermingled and sparked angry lightning and spouts of fire. The intense heat made the Bear God sweat profusely, and he was already neglecting hydration on this day.
Diablo grappled the Bear and noticed the hideous beast crawling on him. “What matter of tomfoolery is this? What have you unleashed on me, Bear God? This, fiend, dares try to burrow into the Lord of Hell?! Inconceivable!”
A soft voice spoke in their minds, assuring how pitiful they really were. “Your efforts at resisting are noted, “Lord of Hell.” However, your resistance is futile and only speed your demise…and your entire race.”
As the trio spiraled fast towards the red scorched ground, Diablo laughed hysterically. “Foolish Bear God, you will never be freed from my realm. You will suffer here for all of eternity!”
“I don’t plan on that. I’d rather die than sit here at the kid’s table with you two,” said the Bear God.
Demons populated the area beneath and around where the Bear God and Diablo crash landed, the space creature was nowhere to be seen. Sin heard something give off a shrill shriek. More and more demons stood surrounding him, with Diablo leading the charge.
Diablo grinned malevolently, cracking his neck. “Any final words, gnat?”
The Bear God sighed, “I guess it’s all in a day’s work.” He summoned his strength and girded himself against the horde of demons and beasts.
“You will all succumb to the might of the Outer Gods,” a raspy voice echoed throughout the realm of Hell. One by one, demon’s began to convulse and turn into shades; wispy figures that floated in the air with ease.
“This…cannot be good,” said the Bear God.
The demons then poured on the Bear God in an instant, and he was in the fight of his life. He struck them down at first with ease, the kill count in the hundreds…then the thousands, then hundreds of thousands. At first, it seemed trivial and a game to him, but they were just remade and sent right back to engage him in the fight.
After several hours, the Mighty Bear God stood panting, tired, while the demons all grinned with glee and Diablo cackling. “You’re no match for the hordes of Hell, Bear God. There is nothing and no one here to save you.”
There has to be a way out of this hellhole. The Bear God clenched his eyes shut and called out to the Maker. Maker, if you can hear me, it’d be a good time for you to get me the fuck out of this place!
Diablo laughed, “Your precious Maker,” he mocked, “can’t save you!”
After several attempts, Sin decided that it was true. God is dead…