The Mashup: Getting Sexy, Breaking Balls, and Taking Names

Action, comedy, dystopian, raunchy, crazy, sexy. . .The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God mashup series. It’s the Bear God and friends versus the Super Mutants and Synths in an all out brawl, three-way, space guest, ball bashing fiasco‚ÄĒit’s service with a smile.

Good day, everyone.

Hectic times are fast approaching and well, it is what it is. That’s beside the point, though. Now, it’s a new (albeit, continuation. . .then again, they are all continuations of the story) segment of Writing Evolution (and Stylings) of The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God.

We have our cameos of “Star Trek” characters, and their observance of this. . .new Earth. Time travel and space is nothing new for those guys. It just happens. The Bear God is not a people person, let alone, does he like having “friends” about him. As such, he’s slowly developing a friendship with his Mirelurk hatchling companion, and old friend (and brother-in-law), Rubricon. There are some stiff competition and enjoyment here in this episode. It’s definitely one of my favorite episodes I did, and well, 8/10, would read again. Honestly, I rather you just read it and get a chuckle or so off. Go ahead, shake your head in the cheesiness, and corniness.

Let me reiterate: The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God is a mashup if I didn’t make that clear. A parody. I giant parody. It’s taking all (if not most) of the big hitters out there and condensing them into a buffet for your eyes to gobble up. Go ahead, be a glutton. They’re not empty calories, it’s gluten free, no sugar, no MSG, 100% organic, and no fucks and/or shits were given.

Also, are you ready to sing the DOOM! song? If you’re an Invader Zim fan, well, you will know it. ūüėČ

Tune in next time, to read on the continuation adventure of our intrepid heroes, and the destruction they cause.

Until then,

RJM


The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God

Season One: Episode Twenty

[Coming Out. . .of the Urban Woodwork]

The Captain continued recording the spectacle. “Here we are observing the destruction of these. . .green skinned humanoids. . .getting utterly destroyed by this alleged Bear God and his compatriots.”

A Super Mutant crept up behind the observing space crew, “Puny humans! You dinner! You‚ÄĒ”

A red laser beam disintegrated the brute. The crew looked back at The Bear God. “You were to hide. . .in a good hiding place, The Bear God yelled.

“We just wanted to watch. . .and take notes,” replied the space captain.

“Do it somewhere else then!” Rubricon quipped back.

Ben was humming a tune, while he went about massacring the Mutants and their hounds.

Apparently, it’s probably the only time he¬†is happy. . .when he’s killing people, things. . .I like the kid.¬†Sin smiled at the thought.

A loud Super Mutant’s voice boomed over a loudspeaker. “Derpy Bear God! We knew you come! Your face will meet my fist! Kill them all! Let none survive!”

More and more Super Mutants poured out from the surrounding buildings.

The Mighty Bear God observed; getting excited at the spectacle. “Cheese and rice, they’re like cockroaches‚ÄĒand rabbits!”

“32. . .33. . .34. . .” Rubricon remarked, while Ben took note and upped the ante.

“47, 48, 53, old man-rabbit, you’re getting left in the dust,” Ben yelled.

Rubricon shrugged. “Bet you haven’t seen this before though, Crabby.” Rubricon snapped his fingers, and from the sky there rained down ice lances, impaling assorted Super Mutants and their hounds.

Ben gazed in awe. “No. . .I haven’t.”

The Mighty Bear God yawned. “Ladies, if you’re done jerking one another. . .this is how you do it.”

A swarm of Super Mutants rushed the Bear God; a suicide bomber in its midst. A scope came down over his eye as he pinpointed the bomber. He aimed with his shoulder mounted Gatling gun. He fired. . . “WHAT THE FUCK!” In an enormous explosion, the Super Mutant bomber blew up, along with the rest of its squadron.

“One shot. Zero effort.” Sin smirked.

“No scope¬†or it doesn’t count,” Quipped Rubricon.

“Oh, you got told!” Ben laughed, as he smashed some Super Mutant heads together, erupting in a bloody mess.

Sin sighed, “Fine. . .” He leapt high in the air until he was out of sight.

“He. . .can fly?” Ben inquired.

“Ha! Derpy Bear God run away!” The Super Mutant laughed over the PA system.

“Yeah, he can do a lot of things. . .” Rubricon replied.

“Is. . .he going to level the entire area?” Ben asked.

“Yep, probably.”

Ben grew a little uneasy. “Where we are?”

“Yep.”

Some from the space crew began to panic. “OH GOD HE’LL KILL US ALL!”

“Yeah, you may want to just start running away. . .probably by a few blocks.” Rubricon stated.

“What about you? Aren’t you going to get out of here?” Ben asked.

“Nah, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure‚ÄĒ”

The Bear God could be heard falling from the sky, burning bright as he plummeted. “Dropping it like it’s hot! Woooooo‚ÄĒ”

Far away, a massive explosion could be seen as the Mighty Bear God made impact with the town square.

As the smoke cleared in the square, bodies were either turned to ash, “goo”ified, or turned into a bloody pulp. Buildings were reduced to absolute rubble, and a massive crater was left in the middle of it all.

“Holy shit. . .that. . .was awesome!” Ben clacked his claws.

Rubricon lowered his shield and shrugged. “It was alright.”

Sin stood up and dusted himself off. “I win,” he smiled brightly.

A little far off from the destructive trio, the space crew reached their feet and surveyed the damage.

“My word. . .such destruction!” The Captain remarked.

The yellow-skinned android analyzed the data. “Captain, by my calculations, all the ‘Mutant’s’ are destroyed. However. . .”

“What. . ¬†.do you mean. . .’however,’ Zeta?” Remarked ‘Number Two’

Zeta paused. “However, I do believe there are more coming. . .”

“Do you think that they know it?” Inquired the Captain.

“No. . .but I think they’re more than capable. We can just wait here and observe safely from afar, as it will result in no casualties, and provide optimum viewing pleasure,” Zeta stated.

The Captain acknowledged. “Understood. Make it so.”

Right then, as the crew set to watch the show continue on, a stray laser beam struck the side of a building, causing a small pebble to strike a red shirt uniformed crew member.

In an overly dramatized death and death wail, the crewman cried “AH!” The crewman fell to the ground, dead.

“Perhaps. . .minimum casualties. . .and that we should not wear any red shirts,” stated Zeta.

“Make it so,” said the Captain.

Meanwhile, the trio of pure destruction celebrated in their latest victory. However, beneath them there lurked a new threat to their survival. . .

“Stupid fools! You think we that easy to kill! PAH! We never die! We are INVINCIBLE,” the Super Mutant shouted over the speaker.

“We can’t see you if you’re invisible. . .you must be chicken then. Too scared to fight us lowly ‘fools,'” The Bear God replied aloud.

“Argh! I said INVINCIBLE, not invisible you derpy bear,” the Mutant screamed. “Go get them!”

Hatches around the trio began to fly open, as Synths, Super Mutants and their hounds, and modified Super Mutant / Synth hybrids began to strike at them.

“Well. . .this just got interesting.” said Rubricon.

“Oh boy! It’d be a good time for the DOOM song!” Ben piped; jumping up and down in excitement.

“. . .or Black Betty. . .or even Ballroom Blitz,” Sin suggested.

Over the PA system came on a song. . .while the Mutant’s leader yelled angrily as to who put it on. Back with the space crew, the Captain’s ‘number three’ snickered to himself.

“Nicely done, Number Three.” Regarded the Captain.

THE DIARY OF THE WASTELAND BEAR GOD IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE.

Author: Sincados

Writer, gamer, foodie, brew enthusiast, and awesome dad. Also likes to make explosions...but not in any particular order.

Leave a Reply