The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God — Season Two — Episode One: To Hell and Back… [Part Two]

The stagnant conclusion of the first episode of The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God. After cliche remarks and sexual proddings, the Bear God gets his Hentai Tentacle gig on. He also eats a sandwich and knows that you’re all super jealous. . .he loves it.

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo
Last time on The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God[Part One]

Despair sat in and doubt began to fill him wholly. What hope do I have?

Then, someone, he wasn’t expecting chimed in. “We’re looking for a way to get you back, Sin. Hold on!”


The Bear’s eyes opened and hope had renewed. Look for a summoning stone! Make a portal! Something! Just get me the hell out of here!

“No! I will not permit it! You will remain here, in your nightmare for all of eternity,” Diablo cried.

While the demons and Diablo were busy fighting the Bear God, more and more lesser demons were being converted into wraiths that served the Outer Gods. Some manifested into Faceless Ones and began spreading their whispers of madness; turning demons against one another. Soon, Diablo would take note of this and wage war against the space oddity.

“Fiend, you dare challenge the Lord of Hell in his own domain? You will pay for your act of aggression!”

“In the end, you will all serve the Outer Gods,” the tentacle-being spoke in a garbled tongue, but transmitted its voice to everyone’s mind.

Diablo roared in anger and waved his hand for all the demons to slay the space beast. They were turned into ash, while more were being converted to the maddening whispers.

The space oddity spoke its garbled tongue again. “You, Lord of Hell, will be the first to lead our new charge…our new crusade”

Diablo roared in anguish as tentacles dug into him and corrupted his being wholly. All the red in him diminished and he turned into an ashen vapor with flailing tentacles and raging eyes. The new figure snarled at the Bear God.

“What…the hell…is that?” asked the Bear God aloud.

Demons changed their focus to the new enemy that dared attack them in their realm. Thousands upon thousands soon would be converted, a world overrun. They were demons no more.

The dark figure spoke in a thunderous voice. “You call yourself a “god” and yet, here you are, powerless, alone, broken. Your friends cannot save you. Your precious Maker cannot save you. Accept your defeat and be assimilated by the Darkness.”

“Do you mean The Darkness? Like, are we going to start singing “I Believe in a Thing Called Love?” or do you mean Tim Curry’s Darkness? I am a fan of both but I’d like some clarification. Oh, but if you’re God’s sister then I guess I’d say that’d be pretty cool, too. She was pretty hot.” The Bear God rambled on a moment before being interrupted by a massive roar that shook the Demon realm.

“Such insolence. Then again, how fitting that a bumbling fool such as yourself would give themselves the label of “God.” You’ve created nothing; no life, nothing to bring a warrant to the lesser races to give a cause of worship. You’re just an overpowered, washed up, age-old Druid with nothing left except self-loathing and for that, I pity you. You’re just a meager, small being in the universe. The apple of another false “God” that does silly stories and passes them off as quality writing. You’re just a figment of someone’s horrible imagination.”

The shade smirked, expecting anger in retaliation.

The Bear God shrugged. “So, what?”

The wraith was surprised…maybe, it was hard to tell with all that black stuff—or mist—swirling about.

“Oh, you expected me to go all mighty and smite you? I’m not always gung-ho about the violence bit you know. It’s fun and pretty entertaining at times, don’t get me wrong. I like a fight just like any other Saiyan, but, uh, I think that we could spend an entire season or so discussing political, science, religion, and other views. That’s not what I am about. I am about fun, and frankly, I don’t give a damn about the Maker’s writing or storytelling. Because I got some news for you, sugar tits. You’re written in the story, too. So, you just degraded yourself. Good job.”

“ENOUGH! I tire of your long-winded remarks. If you will not join us, then you can just die,” the shade hissed angrily.

“Summons incoming!” A familiar voice echoed.

The Bear God began to dematerialize before all the angry shades. “Maybe I’ll see you guys on Valentine’s Day,” the Bear God added, winking.

“No! After him!” the former Lord of Hell roared.


Before Rubricon and the others there formed the magnificent bastard that was The Bear God.

“You’re back!” Ben patted Sin on the back.

The giant bear looked at all those around him. “Thank you, all of you,” he said with a heavy sigh, “I am tired as balls.” Then he collapsed to the ground in exhaustion.


Deluxe cover for
“All sleep is a gamble… We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Be sure to also check out the novel Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle on sale now. Want deals and more delivered to your inbox? Sign up for our mailing list!

The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God — Season Two — Episode One: To Hell and Back…[Part One]

It’s the premier of Season Two for The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God — Episode One: To Hell and Back.

Picking up immediately after Season One’s finale at Portalpocalypse [Part Two] the Bear God wrestles Diablo in Hell and combats evil anew.

In short, the shit is about to hit the fan…again.

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. That moment, when your pants are so tight, you feel like you’re going to:

  • A) either Hulk out…
  • B) go Super Saiyan…
  • C) pants are a lie…

It’s a moment so cataclysmic and orgasmic, it is beyond comprehension. It’s something where we are just dragging out the opening so that you may be thinking…for fuck’s sake, get on with it already! Yeah, we get you. We also believe that you should sit down, strap in, and go get some snacks.

So unstrap yourself, go get some fucking snacks, get your ass back, take your pants off, sit the fuck down, strap yourself in, and get ready for…

The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Season Two!

Cue the music! …In your head…

*opening crawl*

It is a time of strife, danger…danger…with perhaps, some high voltage.

The Bear God is lost in Hell after sacrificing himself like a noob, pushing some creepy tentacle porn thing…and the demon lord, Diablo, through the portal. Thus, the Bear God (Sin) had saved his friends and what remained of the Wasteland.

With the Maker missing in action (because that’s what happens to gods apparently…they go missing like the assholes they are) there is little help to be offered for the Bear God. Back in the normal plane of existence, Ben, Rubricon—and the rest of our heroes (because it’s a decently sized roster now…fuck me) are planning a way to get the Bear God back.

Elsewhere, plans are unfolding…but that’s another episode.

Right now, welcome to Hell. Welcome to Season Two…

*End crawl, pan camera at a speeding dot of the Bear God, Diablo, and whatever the fuck it is hurling through the portal to Hell.*

The Bear God clenched his eyes as he went through the portal. There was something about going through a portal, and making sure your eyes were closed or having eyewear…something that someone said.

Diablo roared in anger and screamed an incessant “No!” for an extended period of time. Meanwhile, wrangling and writhing itself around the crimson pockmarked demon, the mysterious tentacle space oddity tried to burrow its way into the head of the mighty red beast.

The Demon Dimension aka Hell aka Demon Plane was a twisted realm. Shades of red and black intermingled and sparked angry lightning and spouts of fire. The intense heat made the Bear God sweat profusely, and he was already neglecting hydration on this day.

Diablo grappled the Bear and noticed the hideous beast crawling on him. “What matter of tomfoolery is this? What have you unleashed on me, Bear God? This, fiend, dares try to burrow into the Lord of Hell?! Inconceivable!”

A soft voice spoke in their minds, assuring how pitiful they really were. “Your efforts at resisting are noted, “Lord of Hell.” However, your resistance is futile and only speed your demise…and your entire race.”

As the trio spiraled fast towards the red scorched ground, Diablo laughed hysterically. “Foolish Bear God, you will never be freed from my realm. You will suffer here for all of eternity!”

“I don’t plan on that. I’d rather die than sit here at the kid’s table with you two,” said the Bear God.

Demons populated the area beneath and around where the Bear God and Diablo crash landed, the space creature was nowhere to be seen. Sin heard something give off a shrill shriek. More and more demons stood surrounding him, with Diablo leading the charge.

Diablo grinned malevolently, cracking his neck. “Any final words, gnat?”

The Bear God sighed, “I guess it’s all in a day’s work.” He summoned his strength and girded himself against the horde of demons and beasts.

“You will all succumb to the might of the Outer Gods,” a raspy voice echoed throughout the realm of Hell. One by one, demon’s began to convulse and turn into shades; wispy figures that floated in the air with ease.

“This…cannot be good,” said the Bear God.

The demons then poured on the Bear God in an instant, and he was in the fight of his life. He struck them down at first with ease, the kill count in the hundreds…then the thousands, then hundreds of thousands. At first, it seemed trivial and a game to him, but they were just remade and sent right back to engage him in the fight.

After several hours, the Mighty Bear God stood panting, tired, while the demons all grinned with glee and Diablo cackling. “You’re no match for the hordes of Hell, Bear God. There is nothing and no one here to save you.”

There has to be a way out of this hellhole. The Bear God clenched his eyes shut and called out to the Maker. Maker, if you can hear me, it’d be a good time for you to get me the fuck out of this place!

Diablo laughed, “Your precious Maker,” he mocked, “can’t save you!”

After several attempts, Sin decided that it was true. God is dead…

Catch up on some PRIOR ENTRIES:
PORTALPOCALYPSE [Part Two: Season 1 Finale]

Deluxe cover for
“All sleep is a gamble… We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Be sure to also check out the novel Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle on sale now. Want deals and more delivered to your inbox? Sign up for our mailing list!

The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Portalpocalypse [Part Two]

The massive and exciting conclusion of Season One of “The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God” is here! There will be many monsters slain, and people killed off. A comet, a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. Then we’ll have an ice-cold pint and wait for all this to blow over.

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

The Bear God met Diablo head on. He grunted in pain as he slid down the massive being’s forehead.

“Pathetic gnat,” Diablo grinned, “when you last encountered me, I was not at full power. Now,” the Lord of Hell raised his hands to the heavens, calling down meteors of destruction and more demons, “NOW I AM AT FULL POWER! Face the wrath of the Lord of Hell!”

“Don’t think I do not have any tricks left, Big Red,” said the Bear God as he landed on the ground.

“More are approaching!” Rico shouted providing covering fire.

Kronam swung his sword around in an impressive manner, “I call upon my ancestors, grant me the strength and vitality to defeat my foes!” A flash of blue lightning struck the sword, infusing it and its wielder with an incredible amount of power. His eyes raged in an unwavering blue-white. “Today, your legion falls, Diablo, and with it, you!”

Kronam charged into a mass of demons, monsters, and other assorted foes. He dispensed justice to those that dared stood in his path. He charged from foe to foe, sometimes cleaving ten or more with one blow.

“Rico, Rubricon, volley shot now!” he yelled.

The marksman and mage fired bullets and spells into the air, giving the heavens a brilliant display of streaking magic infused bullets, fireballs, icicles, and arcane orbs. The ground erupted around Kronam in an impressive display of monsters being blown up, impaled, incinerated, disintegrated—their shrieks stifled by the icy touch of Death.

It was all for naught, though. More poured from the portal. MOTHER was fast approaching. They needed a miracle and needed it now.

Maker, can you help us out down here?


The Bear God found no one listening. “Typical.” He assessed the situation, the odds, and charted the best course of action. He sighed in knowing one true way they could beat MOTHER, Diablo, save the day, go home and have an ice-cold pint. It wouldn’t be pretty, though.

The Bear God heard the sound of a dog barking from behind him. He turned around and saw Dogmeat tearing through enemies, ripping out their throats, and leaping from monster to monster. His canine friend came and whimpered.

“Hey, boy. What do you say? Think it’s time to go home?” the Bear God asked, petting him.

Dogmeat barked and then looked up at the fast-approaching comet, and then growled. “Yeah, boy, don’t worry. I’ll be back.”

Sin closed his eyes and dug deep for his power that laid dormant. “It’s time to take it up a notch.” First, he glowed red, then blue, and then he emanated a white aura. His fur glistened a golden touch at the tips of each strand of hair. He looked up to the comet and leaped into the air, flying straight for it.

“HA! Look, your pathetic ‘Bear God’ flees, leaving you all behind,” Diablo laughed.

Rubricon and the others all watched as the mighty bear flew up. “What the hell is he doing?”

Ben changed his right arm into a large Mirelurk claw and crushed a horde of monsters. “He is going to destroy MOTHER.”

“Give that bitch hell, Sin!” Rico shouted.

Ben looked to Diablo. “I believe we have some unsettled business.”

The monstrous demon looked down at the small glowing being, cackling. “You dare challenge me? I will crush you underfoot!”

Ben grinned, “I haven’t been completely honest either.” In a flash, Ben grew to the same size as Diablo.

The stunned demon took a step back. “What sorcery is this?”

“POWER. UNLEASHED.” Ben roared, sending out waves of energy that caused all the demons and monsters around him to explode in a kaleidoscope of goo, and Diablo to fall onto his back.

“I may have underestimated you, small one. No matter. There is no hope you could ever have in beating me!” the demon snapped back.

“I don’t plan on beating you. I plan on destroying you entirely,” said Ben with a malevolent grin.

A mighty white fist flew through the air and met with the red demon lord’s face, causing him to fall to his knees.


The air began to thin quickly and soon; the Bear God was in space. “S—so fucking cold,” he said. The comet was getting closer. He focused on above his emotions, above pain, above everything else. Energy surged from within, and he erupted into a blaze of kaleidoscopic energy. He swore he could hear someone laughing, another crying, and others dying somewhere far off.

A final thrust of energy gave him the speed he needed. He collided with the comet and bored to its core, then unleashed a massive burst of energy. The force of the explosion sent him hurtling backward, on a path for Earth. Now, a new comet was born, and there burned a god.


Back on the surface, Rubricon and the others saw the explosion of the comet. They cheered at the victory of their friend. Then their short reprieve was turned to despair as they saw the new being hurtling back towards them.

“What the hell happened?” Rubricon asked.

“This doesn’t look good. Even with MOTHER gone, this could still take everything out,” said Rico.

Not far off, Dante fended off the enemies that attacked him, dodging elegantly. He was, however, unable to land any blows upon the monsters. His frustration was growing, as was his impatience. Finally, he snapped. Demonic magics and influence overcame him, the magical orbs in his sword glowed a hellish red.

“Knights of the Round, heed my call!”

Several figures in different ornate sets of armor traversed existence from the orbs and began cutting, slicing, smashing Dante’s enemies. When they finished their assault, a great knight that radiated gold emerged and raged upon the foes. Dante then flicked his wrist and set them all ablaze in a fiery inferno.

With his mind now calm and the enemies’ dead, he returned to his normal state, sighing in relief.


Elsewhere, on the far edges of the Earth’s atmosphere, an unknown female voice spoke to the unconscious Bear God. “Why do you fight the inevitable? You know you will lose. The cycle must repeat, as it has for millennia. You seek to throw the order of the universe out of whack?”

“Because destiny can be changed, the future is fickle and never truly defined. It is ours to make. The cycle of pain, death, and destruction must end. How are we to learn from our mistakes if we do not get the chance to redeem ourselves and learn?” the Bear God replied.

“What you speak of is a pipe dream and nothing more,” said the gentle voice.

“What you talk of is a cycle that will keep repeating history and offer no other outcome. You speak of madness, insanity,” the Bear God spoke, beginning to awaken. “I will fight for my family, for my home, for my world. I will break your cycle. I will bring order to the universe, and I will be damned if I am told otherwise!”

Attached to the Bear God was a giant squid-like figure with golden eyes that tried to burrow itself in him. Its maw snapped at him and tried to enter his mouth. Sin hugged the being and began sending his energy into the being and focused on getting back to Earth. “I think I need to introduce you to a friend of mine.”


Ben and Diablo fought, with Ben apparently having the upper hand. “Please, no more. I beg of you,” pleaded the demon lord.

Ben stood above the fallen demon, “I offer you no mercy.” He raised a fist like a mighty gavel and brought it down. The image of the Lord of Hell scattered and then faded to nothing, leaving Ben puzzled.

“Surprise!” Diablo cried as he thrust his claws through Ben.

As he fell to his knees and felt life leaving him, he looked up to see the Bear God falling from the heavens. “Strike. Him. Down.” And like that, Ben dropped to the ground lifeless.

“No, Ben!” Rubricon cried. He felt the rage deep within stir. It was something he hadn’t felt in a long time, not since…

He erupted into an ethereal form, where ice, fire, arcane, and other elements flowed. His eyes burned bright with the elements. He raised his hand to the sky and launched several attacks in every direction. Annihilating any remaining demons and monsters and putting a huge barrier in front of the portal.

Diablo’s back singed, and he roared in pain. “Miserable gnat! You will pay for that!”

Percy roared back and glowed a dark purple and charged the massive demon, with Rico and the others following in attack. Together, they struck at the Lord of Hell, knocking him back towards the portal. Demons, monsters, and more built up against the portal. It wouldn’t be long until it burst, allowing all of them to be free once again.


High above, the Bear God roared in anger. The heavens echoed as if a thousand thunderstorms simultaneously went off. “Mother, meet Diablo. I think you two,” Sin hurled the squid being at Diablo and continue his projectile path, “are a match made in heaven!”

Diablo raised his hands, the barrier holding back the monsters behind the portal fell. MOTHER collided with Diablo, causing him to spin around and stagger, then the Bear God slammed into him and pushed him into the portal, going along with him. The portal then closed. The others slew the few monsters that slipped through hastily.

It was over. Diablo was defeated, MOTHER was no more, and the Bear God was gone.

“What now?” Rico said to Rubricon.

Maker, can you restore Ben?



Rubricon looked to the ground. “Something has happened to the Maker. He’s not there. I guess, we’re on our own.”

Wherever you are, Sin. I hope you can get back.


Elsewhere, at Atom’s Crater, looking in with their looking glass, the Anti-Bear God watched as the Bear God was banished to Hell.

A grin stretched across their lips. “Your self-sacrifice and honor is your downfall.”

“ABG, you have failed,” said a member of the council.

“On the contrary, it has gone all according to plan,” The Anti-Bear God said, putting away their looking glass. “And now, I believe we have business to discuss regarding my place as Head of the Council.”

“Preposterous!” another member shouted.

The head council member raised their hand. “You are to heed our beck and call, fiend. Your choice of words next better be good or else.”

The ABG laughed, “I can write you all out of existence. Your best option to save you was that pathetic Bear God. Now, you can either agree to my ascension or face your death.”

The Evil Council shouted to one another, some even readied magical attacks. The head council member raised their hand. “Enough! There needs not be bloodshed over such a trivial manner.” They sighed, “Very well. We agree on your ascension.”

“Good,” the ABG said, “but I will be taking it regardless, along with all of your magics.” The Anti-Bear God raised their right hand and siphoned out the essences of the council members one by one. Some got off attacks, but they were rendered useless.

The ABG sighed with renewed vigor. “It is so good to be evil.”

***End of Season One***

The Bear God and Friends Will Return in 2017!

And then before that…BAT OUT OUT OF HELL
NO more “AND THEN…”


The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Portalpocalypse [Part One]

The portal is open and has unleashed Hell and more. Can our heroes defeat the villainous Diablo and the heinous villains from another universe…other universes…? Find out!

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

The portal wailed as various demons, and other foes spewed out into The Wasteland. Diablo laughed as different bosses from other universes heralded the end for Earth, and at the foolish mortals that dared attempted to stop his plans.

While high up, getting closer and closer was the comet that the ABG had summoned to wipe out the Earth. The light was growing more bright, giving a cause of concern to the denizens of the Earth. The heroes fought on, destroying plenty of monsters, demons, and other foes.

Diablo cackled maniacally. “No matter how many you kill, no matter how hard you fight,” he stared hard at the group of heroes, “It. Is. All. For. Naught!”

Rico panted, “He’s right, we can’t keep this up.”

The Bear God smashed the skull of a demon under his paws. “We beat him before, and we’ll do it again. We just have to shove his fat ass through the portal again.”

Diablo snickered, “Ah, ah, I won’t fall for that trick again, Bear God.”

Sin assessed the situation and tried to come up with a strategy. The end game win was simple, shove Diablo through the portal and close it. The rest of the demons and monsters could then be wiped out. Then he could figure out a way to zap the comet, and then they’d all be able to go to the pub and have an ice-cold pint.

“Alright, here’s what we do—“ before he could finish his sentence, an army of what was called “Murlocs” stampeded from the portal.

Their commander waved a flag made from flesh and bone and raised their broadsword towards the heavens. “MRRRRRRGLRGLRGLRGLL MRR MRR RAH!” he shouted.

A red haze overcame their fish-like eyes as they decided to go after anything that wasn’t their kind.

The Bear God shrugged.

Demons, Mirelurks, Raiders, monsters from unspeakable worlds took over the battlefield. Some fought one another, others had their orders and focused solely on the heroes that stood defiantly against them all.

The battle raged on. The forces of Good vs. Evil were pit against one another, with Evil having the upper hand in the matter.

The Twins fought valiantly, having transformed into a large bear, a nod to their newfound compatriot. Together as one, they slaughtered thousands of demons and monsters. Rico and Haley would swing and often grapple, landing on the “bear’s” backside, helping destroy more foes. A black dragon of untold size fell and tail swiped the four, causing the Twins to separate and Rico to collide with Haley.

“Cower at the might of Onxyia, and Nefarian, mortals!” Nefarian bellowed.

Rico frantically searched around, for there was only one dragon before them.

High above, using the glow of the comet to mask her descent, Onyxia took in a deep and then exhaled, sending flames coursing at the group.

“Take cover!” Rico cried, shielding Haley.

Rico looked to see the Twins melted down in their armored units.

“NO!” he cried.

Percival leaped through the air and slit the throat of the dragon known as Nefarian and ripped his head off, sending Onyxia into a rage. “You will pay for your treachery against the Black Dragonflight, mortals! she hissed.

Percival hurled the head of Nefarian at Onyxia, causing her to crash into the ground. She rolled and came to rest with her brother’s head atop her. Percival leaped through the air and picked up the head and jammed it into her throat, killing her.

Elsewhere, Dante stylishly slew monsters and demons. He backflipped and landed perfectly after having killed 30 monsters in a matter of seconds. A dark aura emanated underneath him, the bodies of those Dante had slain rattled and shook violently. The bodies soon disappeared but in their place came beings from another universe he had never known.

A large dragon and its rider emerged from beneath the ground. A small stack of bodies erupted into a bonfire. “You dare challenge the Nameless King, mortal?”

Dante sighed, “Well, this looks like it’s going to be fun.”

Then, from beneath the ground came more.

Two figures first emerged, calling themselves Lothric and Lorian.

“Alright, I can deal with that too…” Dante said assuringly.

Then emerged the being called Pontiff Sulyvahn and his clone.

“Yeah, this is getting ridic…” Dante was interrupted when the “Abyss Watchers” and “Soul of Cinder” erupted from the ground. “I…am…so fucked,” he said.


Rubricon unleashed his arsenal of magic spells on the monsters, reducing them to ash, while Kronam sliced his way through other demons. Ben slaughtered many foes as well. However, fatigue was starting to set in.

“I don’t know how long exactly we can keep this up,” said Rubricon.

“I can slay thousands, but they just keep respawning,” said Kronam.

“They’re graveyard zerging from the portal. We don’t have much hope other than getting that thing closed and shoving ‘Big Red’ back through it,” said Ben.

The Bear God let loose a shrill war cry, causing the lesser demons and monsters on the field and in the sky to all explode; blood, guts, bodies and such rained from above.

The only member that did nothing was Blitzkrieg and Rico noticed it. “What are you doing? Are you going to help?”


In his armored unit, Blitzkrieg grinned. “It had only been a matter of time for my master’s plan to come to fruition. Now that it has, I am no longer needed. The Toymaker was merely a pawn in a grand scheme. Your lives fuel for the Prime Evil. MOTHER is coming home. Evil will wash over this world, and I will have the chance to watch it from space.”

Blitzkrieg’s armor unit transformed into a rocket and began to launch for the heaven’s. “Thank you, Bear God, for clearing the sky for me!” the German laughed hysterically as his ship ventured into space.

“Uh…OK?” said the Bear God. “So, why is he all happy about watching the world supposedly end from space?”

“He’s going to use the moon base as his future spaceship. The Toymaker had a secret project done many years ago, and knowing him, it’s been completed,” said Rico.

The Bear God brought a palm up to his face. “Great, I can see what will happen now in ‘Season Two.’”

Demons and more monsters began pouring out from the portal. “Do you see your folly yet, mortals? Kill as many as you want, it makes no difference. We. Are. LEGION!”

The Bear God gritted his teeth. “I am getting real fucking tired of seeing your red ass in my sky.” He leaped into the air with finesse and aimed straight for the Lord of Hell, Diablo.

“Ah, yes, come ‘Bear God.’ Meet your end! MEET YOUR MAKER!” Diablo bellowed.

Bat Out Out of Hell
And then before that…I WILL POSSESS YOUR HEART
No, and then…


The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Bat Out of Hell

Ben struggles to maintain his sanity over doubt and his emotions. The portal spits out Diablo. The shit starts to hit the fan. It’s also Friday. Shit. Just. Got. Real. #ITSREAL

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

“What do you hope to achieve?” the shade smiled an ice cream smile. Ben recoiled, preparing for an onslaught. “Do you still believe the ‘almighty Bear God’ to be your savior? To free the damned? To change the course of events that have been predestined since before, you were even a thought?”

Ben shook his head. “I am not the being I once was. I have learned a lot on my travels with him. He has taught me in his own way,” his hands became fists, drawing power from the darkness, “I made a mistake believing in the Darkness; confiding in it, relying upon it. The true power all along…” he closed his eyes, “has been inside of me.” Ben opened his eyes, the blackness in them gone. They emanated a blinding light, banishing the shadows.

Laughter echoed as the shades all faded in the light. “Pathetic fool. Light cannot exist without darkness. Even if you believe yourself to be purified and rid us, deep down you know you will turn. You will become an enemy of the Bear God. He and his friends will turn on you. You will have no one. And then? Then you will come searching for us. We will say ‘told you so.’ It is better you accept it now than be torn limb from limb.”

The remaining darkness swirled around, fighting the light. Ben concentrated hard on the thought that he was doing good, and that the Bear God was indeed, his friend. He felt a presence behind him. He knew those that stood with him well and those he came to know only now.

“We won’t abandon you, Ben. Let your doubt go, and come back…because we have some asses to kick,” he heard the Bear God say.

He grinned at the remark and unleashed his energy to cleanse the vast void to pure white. His eyes opened to the portal swirling and people around him. His friends.

“Welcome back, sleepyhead,” said Rubricon, who gave him a pat on the back.

Ben had ascended, conquering his fear and doubt completely now. He no longer appeared as the Mirelurk he once was. Now, he was a figure of glowing white energy.

“Argh, you wretched creatures!” cried Diablo. “TOYMAKER! Kill yourself, so that I may be freed of this place and dominate your world.”

“Kill myself? That escalated quickly…” said the Toymaker.

Diablo’s voice boomed, “DO IT! I’ll just revive you and give you untold power that could rival the ABG.”

The Toymaker sighed, “Fine, I volunteer myself as tribute or whatever.”

“NO!” the heroes cried.

They could sense a hint of a grin from Diablo through the portal. “Good.”

A massive red hand stretched through the portal and snatched up the Toymaker. “WOAH, WOAH! You could come through already?”

“Semantics. The portal needs to BIGGER for me!” Diablo shouted as he started to squeeze the life out of the Toymaker.

“It. Was. A. Trap.” the Toymaker said before he died in Diablo’s hand.

“Son of a bitch,’ said the Bear God, “well, we’re fucked.”

Diablo cackled maniacally as he siphoned the last soul—the Toymaker—to make the portal bigger, to his size, and began to emerge from the portal. The facility that once housed some of the most dangerous creations in the Wasteland crumbled around them. Before them stood the massive being, Diablo. “It’s so good to stretch my legs,” he said as he stretched. He looked down at the heroes with a smirk.

“I’ve kicked your ass before, and I will do it again, and again, and again,” said the Bear God.

“Ah ah,” said Diablo as he wagged his finger, “why don’t you meet some of my friends first.”

The portal changed to a kaleidoscopic mystery of colors, as beings from different universes started to emerge from it.

“I hope someone has a cheat code…” said Sin.

“Come, friends, let us decide the fate of this world!” Diablo shouted as his army of minions erupted from the portal.


Prior Entries:
And then even before that…GOOD HELP (IS SO HARD TO FIND)


The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Season Finale Premiering…Soon! And an Update

Rob drops a line, addressing that the “season” of “The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God” will be ending soon. More details inside!

Hey folks,

Rob here dropping a line about the series The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God which is coming to its season finale. No, not series finale—SEASON…SEASON finale. Did I stress that enough there? OK.

So what does that mean exactly for The Bear God and his friends (and enemies)? Glad you asked (even though you didn’t). Well, that means that there will be season two, and season one will be compiled, compressed, edited, archived, and turned into a handy-dandy book of great justice! Of course, I have to contact some people, but I will be looking to get it illustrated and then some.

The process of describing the highs, the lows, the whos, the whats, and what the fuckery has begun. This time will also pave the way for some other projects to be touched (giggity-giggity goo!) and be pushed for release. It’s also the holidays. I have a thing for Thanksgiving and another for Christmas that will be done, BG style, of course.

Meanwhile, as the season ends for The Bear God, the series for Bob (our beloved chronic suicidal) will be coming to a close very, very soon. I suggest you find out #WhatHappensToBob in the coming weeks.

Johnny Nightwalker isn’t ending anytime soon. However, that isn’t exactly a series (so to speak) it’s just a story that I am telling that is decently long. Honestly, though, it pales in comparison (as far as size; “that’s what she said”) to the post-apocalyptic novel that is 600+ pages and then some. It’s been a work in progress for awhile, and I am looking to have it completed next year or 2018 (for release).

So, kiddies, young and old, hold onto your pants (or don’t, who cares) because we’re shifting gears! Oh, did I forget to mention the prequel to Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle? Ho ho hoo… That’s a different post. 😉

Until next time!


The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: I Will Possess Your Heart

Our fantastic group of heroes penetrate (ha!) the defenses of the Toymaker and confront him at the portal, where he is summoning baddies from multiple universes. Look out, kids. Dark Souls 3 is coming to the Wasteland. Also, imagine that bass beat… do it!

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

Bodies of the enemies of our intrepid heroes flew left and right all over the base. Their souls being siphoned by the portal that was being powered up stronger every passing moment deep in the depths of the compound.


Down below, by the portal’s control panel, The Toymaker smiled sadistically, “It won’t be long now.”

He the proceeded to do a small dance around the platform.


Monsters and experiments that were unleashed on our heroes all fell to their mighty, capable, and plot armored hands. In fact, we could have done a long drawn out fight scenario where they did fancy slaughtering skills against the Raiders, Mirelurks, and the soul-sucking shenanigans Ben did with some Deathclaws, and the Hybrid Synths that Kronam gained some vengeance on…but we won’t.

Soon enough, the group reached the basement where the portal and the Toymaker were housed. The elevator being loud and obnoxious already gave the signal that someone or something was coming, but it didn’t matter to the Toymaker. He was fixated on his dance and summoning the ultimate end to destroy the world—to cleanse it and bring it to ruin, and be a right hand in his new partner’s “taking over worlds” business.

Shortly after their descent, the group filed out and cornered the Toymaker by his portal.


“Ah, the gang is all here! How pleasant…” said the Toymaker.

“It’s over; you’ve lost.” Said The Bear God.

“Have I? You could beat me, kill me, cut me, sue me, do me, but I will still win…and if no, the ABG will. Which is still a win for me.” The Toymaker then laughed and did a gesture with his arms and hands, directing the group to “suck it.”

The heroes looked to one another, then back at the madman.

“We kill you, disable the portal, it’s over. The ABG will be dealt with soon enough.” Said Rubricon, cracking his knuckles.

“I’m going to enjoy breaking your neck, you son of a bitch,” said Rico as he cocked his rifle.

“Ah, ah, ah, now just hold on a moment. You may want to rethink your strategy…” the Toymaker said as he pointed up towards the ceiling.

“So? It’s a ceiling…what about it?” said Sin, the Bear God.

“Oh that’s right…” after a few clicks and a key entry, a large projection appeared across the entire ceiling of the basement. The sight of a giant comet heading straight for Earth.

“Mother of God…” said Rubricon.

“That’s right! ABG decided to do their little summoning trick, which they dubbed as MOTHER. I don’t know all the details or care, but let’s just say it’s a real life ender!” The Toymaker then laughed hysterically.

“So, what’s with the portal then?” asked Ben.

“This? Oh, this is just a little project I had been working on when you fought Diablo. You see, he and I had an understanding, believe it or not, while you guys were fighting. He gave me a deal, pretty good. The best. Did you know he offers the best deals anywhere? It’s true; you won’t get a better deal somewhere else…” the Toymaker paced around rattling off, “anyway, I figured I’d do a collect call and use the souls of all those you’ve killed and that are in abundance around here as payment. In short, he’s coming back, and he’s bringing friends and his great army. In fact, I hear that this portal may bring in folks from other universes just as much. I am sure you’re quite familiar with Dark Souls three, right?”

The group looked to one another. “That’s pretty bad…if that portal goes live and starts letting all them baddies here, we’re going to be fucked royally and not in the best kind of way,” Rubricon said.

“Yep! And there is not a damn thing you can do about it!” The Toymaker laughed.

On the other side of the portal, they could all hear the familiar laugh of Diablo. A demonic eye appeared as the entire portal, peering at them all. It shifted side to side, gazing upon them, never blinking.

“One more is all that is needed. Feed the machine. Fulfill your destiny.” Growled Diablo.

“We need to keep the Toymaker alive and figure out a way to shut that thing down.” Said Sin.

“Why? After all, he’s done to us? Fuck him! We’ll find another way; there is always another way. I mean, look at life, it found a way.” Said Rico.

“We want him dead too, but we gotta look at the big picture here. Killing him would unleash more than just Hell on Earth.” Said the Bear God.

“We’re going to be annihilated anyway. What use is it if we have to fight our way out? We’re used to it. We can do it.” Said Rico, other SS members nodded in agreement.

“It is a farce—a foolish attempt. The Toymaker killed your friends, your family, your teammates! He would even camp you if he could! He doesn’t care about you or anyone else.” The dark voice snapped.

“You think they will kill me for you? We had a deal!” cried the Toymaker.

“The VERY BEST deal,” bellowed Diablo. There was a loud crackle. Ben then started convulsing and fell to the ground.

“Ben!” Sin rushed to Ben’s side. “Are you alright? Ben? BEN!”


In the familiar darkness in his mind, Ben found himself confronting the horrors he had come to absorb and fend off.

“Ho boy, well, here we go again!” he said before charging at the faceless horrors.



Holy Diver

And then before that… GOOD HELP (IS SO HARD TO FIND)