Announcing “Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle” Free July 21 — July 24th

Hey, folks.

Next week [July 21 — July 24] you can get the urban fantasy novel, Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for free in the Kindle store.

In the USA? Free. UK? Free! Mexico? Italy? Germany? FREE. It’s free for all to enjoy (or even hate! …but you can reach that decision on your own).

If you’re a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, then great news, everyone! You can already grab a Kindle copy for free.

Don’t miss out on an enjoyable reading experience.


“All life is a gamble . . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."
“All life is a gamble… We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards. It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, Lilah gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah. She plays for keeps.

What will you wager? Will you call? Stand? Or will you fold?


Be sure to get in on the action… for a limited time!

July 21 — July 24, 2017

Until next time,

RJM

The Writing (R)Evolution: The Continuation of the Mashup

Action. Check.

Dystopian. Check.

Comedy. Check.

Raunchy. . .Sexy. Double-check.

It’s the mashup of mashups with The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God! Where we check out the writing revolution and evolution.

The Bear God and friends infiltrate a building to retrieve some hostages, find out what happened inside, and what the hell the FAP Virus is.

Hey, everyone.

Welcome back to another revolutionary, evolutionary writing visit to The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God. So, get pumped, get jacked, get soaked, because it’s about to get heavy and go off.

In Fallout, there was a virus that was used to help create the Super Mutants: the FEV Virus or Forced Evolutionary Virus. Imagine, combining that with some Resident Evil goodness. That sounds a bit interesting, right? Nothing like some gene splicing, zombie brain eating, T-Virus inhabitants visiting our beloved Wasteland.

Now, this arc isn’t as extravagant or flashy as the “Star Trek” one, but it is pretty damn entertaining. As the story progresses, characters will evolve more and more; physically, mentally, and become stronger. You could say they’re all secretly part Saiyan. Ha! But no, really, I make fun or do nods to almost everything but the kitchen sink. I suppose I can do one of those next. . .

Anyway, I am going to cut this short because I rather the story start explaining itself versus me jibber-jabbering.

Friday is our last Bear God episode for this week.

Until next time,

RJM


The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God

Season One: Episode Twenty-Six

[Prepare for Genetically Modified Evil]

“Shh, not so loud.” Sin batted at the giddy Mirelurk. “Do you want them all to know we’re here?”

Ben cocked his head to the side. “Well, then we’d be able to kill them easily.”

The Bear God shook his head. “The whole point of this is to make sure the hostages, or whatever, don’t die. . . Remember?”

Ben sighed, “Yeah, I know. . .” He clacked his claws a few times, “I don’t really care about them though.”

“Ben. . .” The bear sighed, “sometimes I really don’t know about you.”

The Mirelurk bounced up and down, either in excitement, or just because he was ready to dismember something, anything.

The trio wandered further in, scanning rooms for anything that gave a hint of what exactly was going on. They came across a terminal in the lobby that glowed white and yellow. Its red letters blinked in a repetitive fashion. Apparently, there was a viral outbreak, and with it, a containment breach on the 20th floor.

“I bet I know where this is going. . .” The Bear God sighed as he went through the terminal, looking for information regarding the ordeal.

After a few moments, he found what he was looking for. “Okay, so they have the FEV virus. . .and. . .then there’s a FAP virus. Cute.”

“I bet whoever came up with that one got a huge pay raise.” Rubricon chuckled.

The big bear clicked through more and more files. “Mm probably, but they probably didn’t get to stay alive long enough to enjoy it. Says here that they tried to fashion a third virus strain that incorporated both strains, and one mystery virus, that was to be used upon the world. They had a vaccine made and ready for distribution, but of course, it never saw the light of day. It had a successful kill rate of 99.9%, reanimated the subject one minute after death, and evolved their DNA, bone structure, and. . .well, it cuts off the rest. By the looks of it though, there was a mind control or some manipulation that could be used. Leave it to the government to fabricate something to destroy its people and then raise them from the dead. . .just to take control of them.”

Rubricon grunted. “Meh. Politics. . .I rather not get into the fun debacle about them.”

Sin nodded. “Agreed. We press on and start making way towards the top.”

The trio began their ascent to the upper floors. They had come across only bodies and more bodies. Some were clean picked, while others had some sort of green residue. It almost seemed to have resembled slime. . .or rather. . .ectoplasm. Rubricon held up a femur that was severely gnawed on by something monstrous and examined it.

“So, what do you think?” The Bear God inquired.

“Something bigger than you, clearly,” Rubricon replied as he continued to examine the bone.

“No shit, Sherlock. I mean the green shit. What is it?” Sin retorted.

Rubricon held the bone close to his nose and sniffed it. “Ugh, good grief! That is rancid!” He dropped the bone and waved the air in front of his nose.

“Well yeah. . .what do you expect? It’s probably been here for Maker knows how long.” The bear grunted at the gagging rabbit-man.

The Maker’s voice echoed in their minds, “About 200 years or so. . .

The Bear God and the Maker began. . .bickering.

“You just like to spy on us. . .don’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Don’t you have anything else better to do?”

“Nope, not really.”

“Not give us some hints? Help a brother out? You know. . .not be a dick?”

“Ha, if I did that then I wouldn’t have bothered with you, let alone what’s left of that world.”

“You’re an asshole of a god, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know about being an asshole. I mean, sure, I am, but I prefer being called. . .fair.”

“There’s no such thing as a fair asshole.  Maybe for gingers, but that’s pushing it.”

“Look, if you guys would just shut up and keep going, then maybe you would, you know, find more stuff. . .maybe clues. GASP! I know it’s such a shocking thing to do, thinking for yourselves. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered giving you free will.” The Maker then sighed. “You have all this power, and you decide to be a cunt. . .to me! Pah, maybe I should just let Ben become the new god.”

Ben clacked and clattered his claws. “Oh, that would be quite lovely! I would destroy and smite in your name, oh great and powerful one.”

“Yeah. . .it’s not happening. I tasked the lot of ya, especially, you—Sin. . .to help rebuild the Wasteland. Not make it as a sandbox to live out your fantasies, and blow each other off. Now get back on track, or else I won’t tell you about Alpha-01 Crimson Wesker “The Tyrant” that was a part of the GMO Virus dubbed “Terminator Project”, that can raise people from the dead, even skeletons, and make an army of the living dead.”

The trio went silent.

“Well, I guess I got a little carried away there. Oh well. So, now that you know and the rest of the world does, maybe you can all get on your merry way and start showing off because I am getting bored observing you guys, but you’re the only thing on. So. . .” the Maker then sighed, “dammit.”

The three looked at one another.

“So, this thing’s like a lich, or whatever?” Rubricon asked aloud.

“Sort of. It’s really a fascinating story, I’ll tell you what—”

“Spare us, please. If you really want us to carry on here and you know, not be fucking boring. . .OH, GREAT ONE!” Sin interjected.

“I see. . . Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe. . .just maybe. . .baby. . .that the reader wanted to know?”

Sin sighed. “They will know. . .I am sure. Since you’re the one “writing” it all out anyway.”

“Ah, guilty as charged.The Maker chuckled. “Very well, get a move on then, kiddies!”

The trio started to wander past the slimy bone and head for the next stairwell when. . .

“Did you guys know that a pig has an orgasm for 30 minutes? 30 minutes! That’s like nutting for—”

Sin yelled, “Oh for shit sake!”


THE DIARY OF THE WASTELAND BEAR GOD!


Check back Friday for the latest on this season’s Wasteland Bear God! With love, sugar, spice, and—screw it, I am tossing some “good stuff” in these brownies.

Wait. . . this thing’s still on?

THE DIARY OF THE WASTELAND BEAR GOD IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE.

Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle — February Amazon UK Promo

It’s our February promo! Happy Valentine’s Day. Running from the 12th through the 18th.

Hi, everyone.

I’m just dropping a brief post on my Valentine’s Day promotion for Amazon UK customers. You can get the urban fantasy novel, Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for only £0.99, February 12th through the 18th. That’s so much in savings [60%!] you could help fund the proposed wall to—wait, what? We aren’t going to talk about American politics?  We aren’t going to discuss how we’re degrading ourselves and so on? Oh. . .OK. Well then, how about that picture I asked for? You know that one?

OK, so since we’re skipping politics, let’s continue with the promo!

Get a copy for your crazed book reader, book junkie, Kindle fanatic, or just get a copy. . .just because.

Folks, this is an enjoyable read. It’s not because we’re saying that it is, it’s because it just is. This is just one piece of a much grander puzzle. One step of a thousand steps. One slice of an XL pizza.

I had you at pizza, didn’t I? Good.

This promo will run from Feb. 12th through the 18th (2017). After that, what happens? Well, I guess you’re going to have to find out.

I invite you all to check it out!

Are you a Kindle Unlimited user? Great! You can already get Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for FREE with your subscription. Eyyy! *Fonz stance*

So, you could pay or you could play, and sign up for our mailing list and get your books for free!

Wishing you all a fantastic weekend and a happy, love making fiesta.

Cheers!

RJM


LILAH’S GUIDE TO HOYLE


Deluxe cover for
“All life is a gamble… We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Description:

“All life is a gamble . . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards. It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, Lilah gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah. She plays for keeps.

What will you wager? Will you call? Stand? Or will you fold?


You can get a digital copy via Amazon at $2.99.

You can also secure a paperback or hardcover copy.


Wanna go big? Get the digital copy of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for FREE by simply signing up for our mailing list.


“But Wait! There’s More!”

If you’ve been shoved under a rock, holding out in a bunker, or if you have no interest whatsoever, here’s a friendly reminder that you can novelette The Lodestone Files: The Things in the Shadows for FREE on AmazoniBooksBarnes and Noble.

“Surprise!”

You can also secure yourself a FREE PDF copy of the second installment, The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing from Another World. Print and other formats soon to come.

“B-B-Bonus extravaganza!”

You can also download the anthology Abnormal Side Effects for Free on Amazon, iBooks, Barnes and Noble.

You can also opt-in for our mail list and get your free copies directly from us! Such edge! Much Words! WoW!

The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God — Season Two — Episode Two: That’s No Space Station

Space. The final, but not really final, frontier. These are the sentences from episode two of The Diary Wasteland Bear God. There’s more to come!

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God LogoEpisode One: Parts One and Two


“There will be no mistakes this time.”

He said aloud, with the only audience being himself and the computer that listened obediently at his commands.

Blitzkrieg stared out the massive bay window that now looked upon the planet Earth. The moon base had been completed well ahead of schedule. As a “thanks” for their service, the remnants of The Toymaker’s forces were obliterated—discarded to the frigid void of space.

He grinned, his reflection mimicking in correspondence. He thought he was so clever. He had used his comrades, bided his time by rising the ranks, infiltrated The Toymaker, and seized control of the most powerful weapon ever made by mankind; more powerful than any nuclear weapon.

It was no mere moon anymore. It had been mined, artificial gravity implemented, terraformed and programmed for self-sustaining, complete recyclable materials, biodegradable waste, satellite TV, fiber optic internet, nukes from orbit, lasers, one gigantic laser, an open bar, buffet, and free Wi-Fi. It would be the instrument to usher in fear in the galaxy and would be the crowning achievement of mankind. None would be able to challenge him or this space stations capabilities.

Blitzkrieg was no fool. Unlike his predecessors and colleagues, he studied meticulously. He knew about the one-meter wide port that could destabilize the base, and cause it to blow up. As such, he had ordered the sealing of all holes that could, otherwise, be really bad news if it were to be sabotaged. Body scans, a wall, missiles, lasers, increased tariffs, bans and employing banhammer bots; these were just extra…precautions.

Yes, he would bring order and chaos to the galaxy, just as he always intended. Even if it made no logical sense in destroying worlds and ruling empty space. Logical fallacies. . .were some peoples’ strong suit. Regardless, he had plans. As such, he wanted to start by punishing the planet that birthed him a horrible past, and one unfaithful wretch that cheated on him with that asshole taxidermist named Daryl from New Georgia.

Blitzkrieg raised his voice, “Computer, set the laser to fire at Earth. Location, New Georgia.”

The computer paused, processing the request. “Acknowledged, Commander. Firing will commence in. . .three days.”

“What the?! Ugh, why does it have such a long charge time?” he facepalmed.

“Lack of human and, or, servants has made it harder for self-calculation, preparation, firing, etc. Commander.”

The console beeped, reading “one percent” on it. “I suppose I should manufacture some bots then. It is a new age, after all,” he grinned.

Yes, it was clear this time. Crystal clear.

“There will be no mistakes this time,” Blitzkrieg smiled to himself.

***

While Ben and the others all welcomed back the Bear God, a shiver ran up his spine. A disturbance that foreboded a very, very, very bad thing that was going to happen.


THE DIARY OF THE WASTELAND BEAR GOD IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS!

Prequel Title: Before Lilah

Before there was Lilah, there was the ordinary good girl…Lynaly.

A traumatic event transpires and leaves her distraught, broken, and looking elsewhere for answers.

At Death’s Door, in her mind, she meets Lilith. Someone who shares her loss, and the longing to be reunited with her long lost love.

Through a pact, Lilith is able to speak to Lynaly via telepathy and temporarily possess her using the blood jewels that Lilith once wore so many ages ago.

Things are set into motion. A secret order has demanded the head of Lynaly at all costs. A mysterious man in a wooden mask vows to stop Lilith from entering this world and to put an end to her plan of vengeance.

What will you do for the one you love?

What Will You do for the One You Love?

Before there was Lilah and the events that took place in Middleton, MA, there was the ordinary good girl…Lynaly. Deep in the heart of Mason, OH, who lived a very normal life.

However, that would soon all change…

After a catastrophic car accident claims the life of Sam, Lynaly’s boyfriend, and leaves her distraught, broken, and in a coma. She feels she can only find answers within the book her beloved and her were trying to obtain. At Death’s Door, in her mind, she meets the beautiful Lilith. Someone who shares her loss, and the longing to be reunited with her long lost love.

Through a pact, Lilith can speak to Lynaly via telepathy and temporarily possess her using the blood jewels that Lilith once wore so many ages ago.

Events are set into motion. A secret order has demanded the head of Lynaly at all costs. A mysterious man in a wooden mask vows to stop Lilith from entering this world and to put an end to her plan of vengeance. Even if that means hurting the girl whom Lilith uses as her vessel.

Armed with Lilith’s magic and her guardian, Sheila, Lynaly begins looking for the chance of a lifetime to resurrect the lost Samael.

The History in the Making…

Learn the origin of Lilith, Samael, Lynaly, Shiela, Atreyu and other characters that are explored in Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle. Learn the steps that were taken to solidify Lilith’s influence over Lynaly, and how dastardly Atreyu is.

While this novella is intended to be stand-alone, you’ll find rich development and lore on the characters that have stories to tell within each titled story.

You Know Her

You know of Lilah’s story and the Lynaly that was there. Ride along to see the lead up to the events of Middleton, MA. Learn of Lynaly’s lament.

Official title announcement, release date, and more information to come.

Upcoming Changes and More.

A brief post about upcoming changes and more.

A few changes will be taking place in the coming days regarding the website.

Right now, Season Two for The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God is all wrapped up. This also will include the conclusion for Johnny Nightwalker.

There will be a continuation of other stories that will be released for free on the website and available in print shortly after that. I’m excited to unveil these as they happen.

The next chapter for The Lodestone Files will be available for free on the website for a limited time. This will be in its raw, uncut, original form.

Print books for The Lodestone Files and Abnormal Side Effects will be made readily available next year. This also includes part two of The Lodestone Files. A discounted box set will be available for when all the books are released.

We will have merchandise for Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle soon as well. There will be artwork and more coming soon for The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal and other titles next year.

Needless to say, it’s going to be an intense year. I wish you all a happy holiday and invite you to stay tuned.

Also Buckethead. Just because.

bh

Available for Pre-Order…

The release of “Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle” is here. Secure your copy now.

Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle is set to release soon. Print copies will be made available.

Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."
“All life is a gamble . . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

We hope you enjoy this exciting novel. This is one of the many stories in the Tragedy in Four Acts Series. More is to come!


“All life is a gamble . . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards. It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, “Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks”, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, Lilah gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah.

She plays for keeps.